Chasing Your Dreams With A New Focus
By: Sandi Krakowski
My body hurt. I’d done my time, the body fat was below 4% and the workouts had paid off. No carbs had entered my body for more than 10 days and the lack of water had created the final ‘sharp edge’ I needed.
Walking on stage that day, in the Mount Pleasant Body Building Championship, I knew that my dreams had come true. Overcoming every mind game and trick, forcing my body beyond it’s own emotions and feelings, it had obeyed and gone beyond all of my expectations. My tan, lean and ripped body became my trophy and I’d earn a huge one at the end of the day. Ribbons placed around my neck for the best arms, most ripped abs and biggest back had given me cheers and honors beyond anything expected.
That night as I lay in my bed in the hotel room, the pizza and beer I had consumed bubbling in my belly, you’d think I was floating and living in a dream enclosed bubble. But that wasn’t what I felt. The push to go forward, find a new challenge, reach another level burned within me. Satisfaction was not what I experienced. Rather, a burning hunger for more and more and more was still raging inside of me.
This led me down the road of using steroids, bringing into my body some unnatural substances that I would later be so ashamed to admit. My choices were fueled by a self-consuming fire that would never let up…. to be the best. My bones would later ache because of those choices. Disease would fill my body because of the poison I had let into my mouth, my bloodstream and into my DNA.
I’ve walked through a lot of forgiveness and releasing to even be able to share this moment with you.
Let me make it very clear right here and now, that was not the first passion I pursued or the first challenge that became everything I would breathe, live and move towards. Big businesses, perfection as a mother, aiming to be the best wife who ever lived and more were equal pursuits that I ran after. Sadly, none ever gave me what I wanted.
“I can’t get no satisfaction” was more than just a song in my life. It became my life. Until God realigned my heart, my mind and my passion to seek after things that were greater than me and quite frankly, didn’t even involve me.
When making profits in business meant being able to rescue more babies out of starvation it became very apparent to me that any choice of ‘retreat’ and ‘rest’ would mean lack of food for them. As I sought to be better in my career, become a better person, get past my own pain, trauma and abuse and become all that I was designed by God Himself to be, the reality became, “It is not about you, Sandi.”
Where does your dream world lead you? Is it a bigger house? A faster car? More sex in a relationship that is always perfect?
What are you willing to do to get there?
I’m not saying nice houses, fast cars and hot passionate sex inside of marriage is wrong. Frankly the third one is a gift from God and one that more married couples need to enjoy, as often as possible. *wink* But the truth be told, even hot sex in marriage can’t satisfy when you don’t know who you are or what you were designed for.
My friends, pay very close attention to your thoughts.
Because of my own disbelief and my own lack of confidence, years ago I attracted voices and people into my own life that would encourage me to only go so far, but to never compete with the experts. I was NOT allowed to be an expert. My own lack of belief in myself and my destiny brought in leaders who helped me get so far, but don’t ever go beyond that. It didn’t matter if it was in the religious world, the business world or wherever they showed up- they all gave me the courage to move far and wide, but to never go to expert. Never.
I blame no one for this sad reality.
It was just like all the other dysfunctional relationships I created in my life who conveniently helped me to fulfill my belief that going so-far was good enough.
Today-I have a very personal, pointed and strategic question to ask of you.
What is your dream all about?
And who is it for?
It has to be bigger than your mortgage payment and just catching up on your bills.
Whether you realize it or not God loves you, celebrates you and has a dream in your heart that was ignited when you were first born. With the very first cell that was created inside of your physical body…. a dream was planted. Life has watered and fertilized that dream. And of course… it most likely has also trampled on it. But that is a part of the plan.
ANY dream worth pursuing has challenges.
There will be conflict and chaos. That’s what makes it so worth it. When you see it come to reality you’ll have memories of all you’ve gone through to get there. You’ll remember all the tears, the doubt, the fears and every step it took to get there.
My desire is to see you move forward in your dreams.
But I have to tell you here and now, it will take work. You’ll need a good mentor. You’ll need a community of like-minded people to support you, love you, encourage you along the way.
Who do you have?
If you’re still alone in this pursuit, we’re here for you. We are here to help you every step of the way. But you, my friend, have to move forward. You have to do the hard work.
You, and you alone, have to slay that dragon all on your own.
What do you say?
Are you willing to live a life that goes beyond yourself? I hope so. Because if you do, it will be a life bigger than a dream!
With love,
Sandi Krakowski
